How hot is it really?

Take this 3-minute quiz to help me illustrate and definitively answer once and for all just how hot "hot as balls" is in comparison to "hot as fuck." Or, is "colder than a witch's tit" warmer or colder than shit? It's a burning (and/or freezing) question, with potentially hilariously illuminating results!

Take the quiz, share with your friends. The more responses I get, the better my data!